Wednesday, August 03, 2005
World Tour Part 1: England
Over the next few weeks/months/however long it takes, I'm going to post about the entire relevant world, one country at a time. Please note that I am in one of the countries that I will make fun of (I won't tell you which), and I will make no more offensive remarks about any other people than I do about myself. I believe in insulting everyone equally, mostly because the whole world deserves to be insulted. That's what they get for existing.
England really has a lot of great stuff. For example, a queen. While this may not seem important to someone who doesn't understand, it is actually quite a huge deal. The queen has the power to go pretty much anywhere and do whatever she wants. This is a great deal better than a king, who may only move one square at a time. Another great thing that England has is maps of London, which can be somewhat more than necessary at times. Also, England has Monty Python. Actually, England "had" Monty Python, but they have since broken up. But still, France never had Monty Python. Neither did Iraq, Brazil, China, or Slovetzia.
Of course, there are also plent of things that England doesn't have. One major instance of this is flavored food. Even when they do bother to use actual seasonings or spices of some sort, the majority of their food has about as much flavor as a wall. I guess they figure that, just like a wall, flavor is not needed, as it isn't really meant for consumption. (Willy Wonka tried flavored wallpaper a while back, but it didn't catch on, for similar reasons.) Another thing England doesn't have is the Eiffel Tower. Instead, they have Big Ben, which is like the Eiffel Tower except not shaped the same or for the same purpose. Its purpose is to let people know the time. Unfortunately, if you're standing anywhere near it, the clock on it will at too much of an angle to be seen, thus making it about as useful as airbags in a racing simulator.
Okay, that's it. I don't feel like writing anymore today. But, unlike ever before, I'm going to update semi-regularly! Woohoo!
England really has a lot of great stuff. For example, a queen. While this may not seem important to someone who doesn't understand, it is actually quite a huge deal. The queen has the power to go pretty much anywhere and do whatever she wants. This is a great deal better than a king, who may only move one square at a time. Another great thing that England has is maps of London, which can be somewhat more than necessary at times. Also, England has Monty Python. Actually, England "had" Monty Python, but they have since broken up. But still, France never had Monty Python. Neither did Iraq, Brazil, China, or Slovetzia.
Of course, there are also plent of things that England doesn't have. One major instance of this is flavored food. Even when they do bother to use actual seasonings or spices of some sort, the majority of their food has about as much flavor as a wall. I guess they figure that, just like a wall, flavor is not needed, as it isn't really meant for consumption. (Willy Wonka tried flavored wallpaper a while back, but it didn't catch on, for similar reasons.) Another thing England doesn't have is the Eiffel Tower. Instead, they have Big Ben, which is like the Eiffel Tower except not shaped the same or for the same purpose. Its purpose is to let people know the time. Unfortunately, if you're standing anywhere near it, the clock on it will at too much of an angle to be seen, thus making it about as useful as airbags in a racing simulator.
Okay, that's it. I don't feel like writing anymore today. But, unlike ever before, I'm going to update semi-regularly! Woohoo!
