Friday, May 20, 2005
VIDEO GAMES ONG!!!!!!!11
Anyone who follows video game news should know that the three main competitors of the next few years have been announced and detailed over the past few days at e3, a major expo where video game stuff happens every year. Anywho, I feel it's my duty to inform my faithful readers what the new goods are like.
XBOX 360
One of the key features of the XBox 360 is that it has a concave design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. This is Microsoft's way of saying, once again, "Convenient design is for wimps." The new controller has all of the same buttons as the old one, but some of them are in highly stupid places. This is due to the fact that Microsoft firmly believes that backwards compatibility has nothing do do with hardware, and is entirely in the software. Obviously, they've never played pinball. The XBox 360 will launch sooner than it's competitors, thus giving them less time to make finishing touches or use better hardware. In conclusion, it's basically just an oddly-shaped computer with less software. Also, the controller is blocky and uncomfortable.
PLAYSTATION 3
One of the key features of the Playstation 3 is that it has a convex design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. It's also ridiculously huge, perhaps as a way of alienating their own Japanese market, who generally don't have enough room in their homes for anything bigger that a piece of paper. The PS3 is also much more powerful than any other video game system or home computer, and is therefore perfect for boxing matches. In order to make sure that nobody forgets that it was made by Sony, they decided that the logo should use the EXACT SAME FONT as the title of the movie "Spiderman" This is important because nobody would want to accidentally think that they were playing Gameboy. Also, the controller is shaped like a banana. In fact, it may very well be a banana.
NINTENDO REVOLUTION
One of the key features of the Nintendo Revolution is that it has a small design. This means that you cannot stack anything heavier than a postcard on top of it. It also suffers from "non-existance sydrome", meaning that there is nothing inside the box. In theory, it can create "wow-ing" visuals, but in practice... err... There is no "in practice" because it's nothing more than a box. It will supposedly play older games, but nobody outside of Nintendo has any evidence that it even contains a processor. Scientific Experiments have shown that the disc drive, though it contains a really glowy blueish light, does not accept any sort of disc. Also, there's no controller. At all. Nothing to show for.
In conclusion, the more comments I get, the more I'll post. And the funnier I'll be, because it means that I put more effort into each post.
XBOX 360
One of the key features of the XBox 360 is that it has a concave design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. This is Microsoft's way of saying, once again, "Convenient design is for wimps." The new controller has all of the same buttons as the old one, but some of them are in highly stupid places. This is due to the fact that Microsoft firmly believes that backwards compatibility has nothing do do with hardware, and is entirely in the software. Obviously, they've never played pinball. The XBox 360 will launch sooner than it's competitors, thus giving them less time to make finishing touches or use better hardware. In conclusion, it's basically just an oddly-shaped computer with less software. Also, the controller is blocky and uncomfortable.
PLAYSTATION 3
One of the key features of the Playstation 3 is that it has a convex design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. It's also ridiculously huge, perhaps as a way of alienating their own Japanese market, who generally don't have enough room in their homes for anything bigger that a piece of paper. The PS3 is also much more powerful than any other video game system or home computer, and is therefore perfect for boxing matches. In order to make sure that nobody forgets that it was made by Sony, they decided that the logo should use the EXACT SAME FONT as the title of the movie "Spiderman" This is important because nobody would want to accidentally think that they were playing Gameboy. Also, the controller is shaped like a banana. In fact, it may very well be a banana.
NINTENDO REVOLUTION
One of the key features of the Nintendo Revolution is that it has a small design. This means that you cannot stack anything heavier than a postcard on top of it. It also suffers from "non-existance sydrome", meaning that there is nothing inside the box. In theory, it can create "wow-ing" visuals, but in practice... err... There is no "in practice" because it's nothing more than a box. It will supposedly play older games, but nobody outside of Nintendo has any evidence that it even contains a processor. Scientific Experiments have shown that the disc drive, though it contains a really glowy blueish light, does not accept any sort of disc. Also, there's no controller. At all. Nothing to show for.
In conclusion, the more comments I get, the more I'll post. And the funnier I'll be, because it means that I put more effort into each post.
