Saturday, September 25, 2004
Databases - The Other White Meat
Anyone who knows anything has probably heard the term "database" before. It doesn't matter if you're thinking of Microsoft Access, the football coach's clipboard, or some nonsense you programmed in BASIC on your old Apple II, you've probably heard of it. But have you ever tried to use one?
After roughly five hours spent late last night attempting to install a MySQL database on my web server, I now consider myself to be an expert. I know how to type stuff in an MS-DOS prompt, I know how to type stuff again hoping that it might work, and I know how to download a program off the internet and type stuff to install it. I was almost tempted to "learn" how to bash in the screen on my computer monitor with nothing more than a cotton swab and a piece of paper. Anyhow, I got it figured out. Therefore, since I am an expert, I thought I would tell my faithful audience (who probably thinks I don't update anymore) how to install their very own MySQL database.
1. Download MySQL.
2. Unzip MySQL.
3. Redownload MySQL after finding out that your zipped copy is corrupt.
4. Lather.
5. Rinse.
6. Repeat step 2.
7. Move MySQL to a convenient but safe place, such as the "MY MUSIC" folder in "My Documents" or the Recycle Bin. (Yes, I'm using Windows. It's all that's worth the time.)
8. Open up an MS-DOS Prompt. If you are running Windows NT, 2000, or XP, this may involve lots of swearing, because there is no MS-DOS Prompt in those systems. You should open Command Prompt instead.
9. Press CTRL+ALT+DELETE 3 times. If this doesn't work, press ALT+F4.
10. Call a professional, because you have no idea what the heck you're doing.
11. Call your best friend and ask for money, because the pro is too expensive.
12. Call AA, because by now you've probably been driven to excessive drinking.
13. Don't call me, because I will hunt you down and make you regret it if you do.
Congradulations! You now have a working MySQL database! Stop bothering me!
Smell ya later,
-Yami Pegasus
After roughly five hours spent late last night attempting to install a MySQL database on my web server, I now consider myself to be an expert. I know how to type stuff in an MS-DOS prompt, I know how to type stuff again hoping that it might work, and I know how to download a program off the internet and type stuff to install it. I was almost tempted to "learn" how to bash in the screen on my computer monitor with nothing more than a cotton swab and a piece of paper. Anyhow, I got it figured out. Therefore, since I am an expert, I thought I would tell my faithful audience (who probably thinks I don't update anymore) how to install their very own MySQL database.
1. Download MySQL.
2. Unzip MySQL.
3. Redownload MySQL after finding out that your zipped copy is corrupt.
4. Lather.
5. Rinse.
6. Repeat step 2.
7. Move MySQL to a convenient but safe place, such as the "MY MUSIC" folder in "My Documents" or the Recycle Bin. (Yes, I'm using Windows. It's all that's worth the time.)
8. Open up an MS-DOS Prompt. If you are running Windows NT, 2000, or XP, this may involve lots of swearing, because there is no MS-DOS Prompt in those systems. You should open Command Prompt instead.
9. Press CTRL+ALT+DELETE 3 times. If this doesn't work, press ALT+F4.
10. Call a professional, because you have no idea what the heck you're doing.
11. Call your best friend and ask for money, because the pro is too expensive.
12. Call AA, because by now you've probably been driven to excessive drinking.
13. Don't call me, because I will hunt you down and make you regret it if you do.
Congradulations! You now have a working MySQL database! Stop bothering me!
Smell ya later,
-Yami Pegasus
Monday, September 13, 2004
I'm not dead
Yo, noodles. Update soon. Current status: really busy with my book. Trust me, it'll be worth the wait.
Smell ya later,
-Yami Pegasus
Smell ya later,
-Yami Pegasus
