Thursday, February 26, 2004
The Five Types of People
Found it! haha. And now for the update you've ALL been waiting for!!! No, I'm serious. You were actually sitting at your computer for a few weeks waiting for this, so hereitis!!
--
In order to keep up with recent times, I have decided to write a generic classification of humanity. Humans fall into five different categories, each with different characteristics:
Smart Female
Shallow Female
Talkative Female
Friendly Female
Tomboy Female
Mom-type Female
Child
Male Type-A
Male Type-B
Drug Addict
It occurs to me that the number of types of people I listed (10) is NOT the same as the number of types of people I claimed I was going to list (5). I don't care. Shut up.
Search for yourself on the list. If you can't find yourself, you're probably not human, bud don't let that worry you, because most of us aren't.
--
In order to keep up with recent times, I have decided to write a generic classification of humanity. Humans fall into five different categories, each with different characteristics:
Smart Female
- Generally not as smart as she appears
- Takes tougher classes in high school/college to show off
- Wastes countless hours cramming for tests
- Gets job as secretary
Shallow Female
- Seconds world peace only to her own appearance
- Very self-absorbed
- Always blonde: natural, bleached, or dyed
- Most popular female at school
- Gets job in cosmetics
Talkative Female
- Never stops talking
- Wastes lunch time talking instead of eating
- Loves telephone
- Unable to accomplish anything
- Gets job as telephone receptionist or in telemarketing
Friendly Female
- Tries to be everybody's friend
- Only person who is able to withstand Talkative Female
- Too nice and kind for her own good
Tomboy Female
- Doesn't share any mental traits with other humans
Mom-type Female
- Enjoys making casseroles
- Goes to at least 5 childrens' soccer or "Little League" games during her lifetime
- Has high morals
- Expects angelic behavior and grades out of her children
Child
- Needs sugar-cartoon-character cereal to survive
- Worships and believes television
- Interested only in most current fad
- Knows that other gender has cooties
Male Type-A
- Insensitive
- Stupid
- Big ego
- Strong
- Gets job moving or delivering furniture
Male Type-B
- Insensitive
- Geek
- Big ego
- Weak
- Gets job in programming or engineering
Drug Addict
- Gets bad grades in school
- Can't spel
- Doesn't get job OR gets job dealing drugs
It occurs to me that the number of types of people I listed (10) is NOT the same as the number of types of people I claimed I was going to list (5). I don't care. Shut up.
Search for yourself on the list. If you can't find yourself, you're probably not human, bud don't let that worry you, because most of us aren't.
Friday, February 20, 2004
Chitty Chitty
This post is mostly to inform my loyal readers of the formatting changes at this site (5 posts on the front page, COMMENTS BUTTON - yay), but I need to say something so here you go:
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is NOT a Mary Poppins movie. It does NOT star Julie Andrews. Get over it.
Oh, and stay tuned next week for either of the two humorous things I have prepared to share with the world.
--Yami Pegasus
"If there was no tpyos, there would be no humro."
-me
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is NOT a Mary Poppins movie. It does NOT star Julie Andrews. Get over it.
Oh, and stay tuned next week for either of the two humorous things I have prepared to share with the world.
--Yami Pegasus
"If there was no tpyos, there would be no humro."
-me
Saturday, February 14, 2004
It appears I've Gotten Lazy
No, I haven't gotten a new La-Z-Boy reclining chair. What I'm trying to say is that my update-level around here has gone WAAAAY down. A good portion of the reason is that my most recent *PLANNED* update was written down on a piece of lined paper torn out of a spiral notebook. As is to be expected, I lost it. In conclusion, I'm updating with something else, but stay tuned for however long it takes me to find "THE FIVE TYPES OF PEOPLE." And now for the show:
Today is Valentines Day. Anybody with internet access, a real life, or existance in certain non-communist countries can tell you what that means. Lots and lots of pink and red flavo(u)red hearts flooding stores (candy and grocery alike) everywhere. Bargain "Minnie Mouse" and "Disney Princess" and "Whiny the Poop" cards filling elementary school (grade school in some places) classrooms. Ah yes, the sweetness of giving somebody a card with a word search on the back and some meaningless saying on the front. Why on earth would some third grade boy want every other boy and girl in the classroom to "be mine" or "I choo-choo-choose you." I personally DON'T want to "I choo-choo-choose you," especially since the grammatical situation there is sickeningly dopey. I also wonder what the heck is supposed to be romantic about a picture of "Buzz Lightyear" or "Yu-Gi-Oh." This day has officially been "commercialized." So the teacher says something like "Kids, I want you to give valentine cards to everyone in the class. Make sure you give them to everyone of the other gender and your own to make sure you capture both *preferences* and also attach a 'SWEETHEARTS' candy to each one in support of cannibalism just in case one day you eat real hearts. Also, if you want to be a heart surgeon one day you'll need to make sure that you get used to seeing hearts, and you can start out with candy hearts. I'm sure they'll gross you out equally." By this time in twenty years, pink "Post-IT"s will be required of all the students because they're pink. Parents will be required to buy them. "Class, your grade is ENTIRELY dependent on the cash supply of your mom or dad or other legal guardian. If they can't afford a pink Post-IT or are prevented in some other way from getting some for you, you'll have to repeat third grade." Don't worry, though. By that time, the government will have declared Valentines Day a religious holiday and taken it out of schools.
Today is Valentines Day. Anybody with internet access, a real life, or existance in certain non-communist countries can tell you what that means. Lots and lots of pink and red flavo(u)red hearts flooding stores (candy and grocery alike) everywhere. Bargain "Minnie Mouse" and "Disney Princess" and "Whiny the Poop" cards filling elementary school (grade school in some places) classrooms. Ah yes, the sweetness of giving somebody a card with a word search on the back and some meaningless saying on the front. Why on earth would some third grade boy want every other boy and girl in the classroom to "be mine" or "I choo-choo-choose you." I personally DON'T want to "I choo-choo-choose you," especially since the grammatical situation there is sickeningly dopey. I also wonder what the heck is supposed to be romantic about a picture of "Buzz Lightyear" or "Yu-Gi-Oh." This day has officially been "commercialized." So the teacher says something like "Kids, I want you to give valentine cards to everyone in the class. Make sure you give them to everyone of the other gender and your own to make sure you capture both *preferences* and also attach a 'SWEETHEARTS' candy to each one in support of cannibalism just in case one day you eat real hearts. Also, if you want to be a heart surgeon one day you'll need to make sure that you get used to seeing hearts, and you can start out with candy hearts. I'm sure they'll gross you out equally." By this time in twenty years, pink "Post-IT"s will be required of all the students because they're pink. Parents will be required to buy them. "Class, your grade is ENTIRELY dependent on the cash supply of your mom or dad or other legal guardian. If they can't afford a pink Post-IT or are prevented in some other way from getting some for you, you'll have to repeat third grade." Don't worry, though. By that time, the government will have declared Valentines Day a religious holiday and taken it out of schools.
