Yami Pegasus' Broken Toiletry

Over the next few weeks/months/however long it takes, I'm going to post about the entire relevant world, one country at a time. Please note that I am in one of the countries that I will make fun of (I won't tell you which), and I will make no more offensive remarks about any other people than I do about myself. I believe in insulting everyone equally, mostly because the whole world deserves to be insulted. That's what they get for existing.

England really has a lot of great stuff. For example, a queen. While this may not seem important to someone who doesn't understand, it is actually quite a huge deal. The queen has the power to go pretty much anywhere and do whatever she wants. This is a great deal better than a king, who may only move one square at a time. Another great thing that England has is maps of London, which can be somewhat more than necessary at times. Also, England has Monty Python. Actually, England "had" Monty Python, but they have since broken up. But still, France never had Monty Python. Neither did Iraq, Brazil, China, or Slovetzia.

Of course, there are also plent of things that England doesn't have. One major instance of this is flavored food. Even when they do bother to use actual seasonings or spices of some sort, the majority of their food has about as much flavor as a wall. I guess they figure that, just like a wall, flavor is not needed, as it isn't really meant for consumption. (Willy Wonka tried flavored wallpaper a while back, but it didn't catch on, for similar reasons.) Another thing England doesn't have is the Eiffel Tower. Instead, they have Big Ben, which is like the Eiffel Tower except not shaped the same or for the same purpose. Its purpose is to let people know the time. Unfortunately, if you're standing anywhere near it, the clock on it will at too much of an angle to be seen, thus making it about as useful as airbags in a racing simulator.

Okay, that's it. I don't feel like writing anymore today. But, unlike ever before, I'm going to update semi-regularly! Woohoo!

WELCOME TO THE NEW AND IMPROVED YPBT!!! "How is it new and improved?" you ask. Well, it has this post. That wasn't here before. This post is the new part. The improved part is that, umm... It has more posts than before. So the post count is bigger, or improved. Well on to the post.

Oh yeah, and remember to hover over underlined text. Just as always.

Have you been thinking about committing suicide? Well, don't. It's a bad idea. Why? Because it is painful. I know this from experience. And you might fail, and get caught, and arrested, and live an even more miserable life in prison. Instead, what you need to do is make your life NEW AND IMPROVED. This can be done in just a few easy steps, which I don't feel like counting.

Step 1. Eat lots of food. Then you will become overweight and can meet new people at your local health club or gym. If you're anorexic this will also help. If you're bulimic, you can go to the hospital as a reasonable substitute instead of the health club. And meeting new people will help you feel better. You know the old saying, "When life throws you lemons, eat them until you get fat or throw up."

Step 1. Be religious. People with religion generally feel better than people without. And you get to belong to a community. If your religion is Satanism, then you're pretty much screwed, because your house will be invaded by hordes of Mormons who are telling you that you'll die. That is NOT fun.

Step 1. Read a book. Not a self-help book, because that will make you feel pathetic. Instead, read an adventure, mystery, or "Teach yourself _______ in 24 Hours" book. Those will make you feel powerful, brilliantly deductive, or ______. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read a joke book, because the jokes aren't ever funny, and will make you cry. Wimp.

Step 1. Go shopping. Maybe buy yourself a new pair of shoes or a new dress or a new poster of Johnny Depp. You could also buy yourself a new addiction, such as trading cards, crafts, or Hello Kitty.

Step 1. If all else fails, join a gang. Most gangs are marked by a special "flag" such as red shirts, bandanas, or "Hello Kitty" apparel. Try to avoid gangs that sport any of the following: The Color Pink, Rainbows, Bicycles with bells, Wizard hats, Darth Vader costumes, Lightsabers, Knives, Guns, Hand Grenades, and drugs. All of those are just asking for trouble.

I hope that at least somebody finds this advice helpful. If you don't, then you probably just didn't follow my directions properly.

Anyone who follows video game news should know that the three main competitors of the next few years have been announced and detailed over the past few days at e3, a major expo where video game stuff happens every year. Anywho, I feel it's my duty to inform my faithful readers what the new goods are like.

XBOX 360
One of the key features of the XBox 360 is that it has a concave design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. This is Microsoft's way of saying, once again, "Convenient design is for wimps." The new controller has all of the same buttons as the old one, but some of them are in highly stupid places. This is due to the fact that Microsoft firmly believes that backwards compatibility has nothing do do with hardware, and is entirely in the software. Obviously, they've never played pinball. The XBox 360 will launch sooner than it's competitors, thus giving them less time to make finishing touches or use better hardware. In conclusion, it's basically just an oddly-shaped computer with less software. Also, the controller is blocky and uncomfortable.

PLAYSTATION 3
One of the key features of the Playstation 3 is that it has a convex design. This means that you cannot stack anything on top of it. It's also ridiculously huge, perhaps as a way of alienating their own Japanese market, who generally don't have enough room in their homes for anything bigger that a piece of paper. The PS3 is also much more powerful than any other video game system or home computer, and is therefore perfect for boxing matches. In order to make sure that nobody forgets that it was made by Sony, they decided that the logo should use the EXACT SAME FONT as the title of the movie "Spiderman" This is important because nobody would want to accidentally think that they were playing Gameboy. Also, the controller is shaped like a banana. In fact, it may very well be a banana.

NINTENDO REVOLUTION
One of the key features of the Nintendo Revolution is that it has a small design. This means that you cannot stack anything heavier than a postcard on top of it. It also suffers from "non-existance sydrome", meaning that there is nothing inside the box. In theory, it can create "wow-ing" visuals, but in practice... err... There is no "in practice" because it's nothing more than a box. It will supposedly play older games, but nobody outside of Nintendo has any evidence that it even contains a processor. Scientific Experiments have shown that the disc drive, though it contains a really glowy blueish light, does not accept any sort of disc. Also, there's no controller. At all. Nothing to show for.

In conclusion, the more comments I get, the more I'll post. And the funnier I'll be, because it means that I put more effort into each post.

Today, I have decided that I MUST complain about Microsoft's "Notepad" software included with Windows. For those of you who don't know, Notepad is a text-editor. No formatting features, no picture insertion, nothing. That is not the problem. There are a few more bigger issues that need worked out.

1. In the Win98 and Win95 versions of Notepad, one MUST use the mouse to save. The oh-so-standard "Ctrl+S" feature is NOT available.

2. It renames files. When I attempt to make a file for my website, I'll tell it to call the file something like "index.html" or "page2b.php". Unfortunately, Notepad decides that I MEANT to call it "index.html.txt" or "page2b.php.txt". While this feature could come in handy for new users of Windows who forget to put file extensions on their filenames, advanced users HATE this.

I needed to include something in a box like this...

FINAL VERDICT: Microsoft loses with a score of 0 to 1,000,000. Rather than trying again, just include a link to Download.com for me to download a better product than "Notepad".

I went months without posting before, and now I'm posting almost twice a month. Why is that? Because I'm bored. So let us begin.

It's that time of the year again. Some of you may have stayed up late partying, whereas others may have forgotten what season it was. But that doesn't change the fact that the new calendar year has begun. While this has no actual significance on anything, a lot of people think they have to make resolutions, thinking that the new year will somehow make it easier for them to improve their character flaws. To them I say: "You are all morons and should never reproduce." Allow me to explain something. Jan 01 was Julius Caesar's birthday. He CHANGED the calendar so that his birthday would mark the beginning of the year. Therefore, Jan 01 does not have any cosmic significance, it just shows some dead dude's cosmic ego.

My topic is NOT New Years, that's just an intro. I am NOT about to go on a tangent.

I guess, then, that horoscopes are also thrown off by my cosmic discovery. At least the monthly and yearly ones. We have no idea when the "true" month begins. Also, why would the planets and stars just happen to work in certain ways and predict certain things based on OUR calendar? I guess that throws out weekly horoscopes, also. And time zones prevent daily horoscopes from being any good. Put simply, horoscopes are a cosmic joke.

I'm listening to music while I write this.

Chain letters. They're fake. The fortune cookie will NOT appear after you forward the email to enough people, and the fact that you don't understand computers well enough to realize that it is impossible will not change it. There is no way of keeping track of email, so Microsoft/Bill Gates/Wal-Mart/The Government/Whatever will NOT donate money to some charity for circulating an email. Bad luck will not result from not sending copies of the snail-mail you receive, as there is no logical connection. LETTERS AND FORWARDING DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLETELY UNRELATED EFFECT, EVER!

So, are you figuring out how this works, yet?

Okay, here's the last one. Tradition means nothing. It can be fun, but when it's too much of a hassle, just let it go. Unless the bride is bare, nothing bad can come from the groom seeing her before the wedding. Think of any tradition. Unless there's more to it than just tradition for the sake of keeping things the same, tradition can be ignored safely.

Okay, that was the last one. I'm almost done.

My point is, people need to incorporate simple logic into their everyday lives. Don't do or believe things just because people tell you to, do or believe it because it makes sense. It doesn't need to make sense scientifically (we have yet to learn so much that even what's considered to be laws could end up being wrong), just as long as there is SOME logic behind it. While there is no logic in galactic movement causing you to lose your job, there is logic in bowel movement causing it.

While there is no logic in a lot of stuff, there is a "cosmic" amount of logic in the fact that I'm posting this.